I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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