Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
