I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
