I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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