the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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