Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
a search helicopter?!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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