It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
