She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
