I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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