this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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