I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All the doctor said was why
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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