I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
