That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
