We're like a lot better than the average bears
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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