They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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