i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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