and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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