I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
