so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
