Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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