Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
