i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
