I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
