is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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