Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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