Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
