Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There r osticjed everywhere
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
