Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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