Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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