Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
