you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
