Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
