That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
