I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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