Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
