I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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