I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
