Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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