So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
