Your mouth is God's brothel.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
