I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
