the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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