Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
