Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
