i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
