that's an acceptable place to lick
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
