You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
