you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
