Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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