I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
