Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
