oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
