Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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