He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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