Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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