Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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