i permit you to call me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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