remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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