is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
