I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
