3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
