apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
