i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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