Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
