Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
