Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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