what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
